What does it mean?

I grew up the same way as a lot of Americans--in a Christian home where we went to church every Sunday; gave our tithe in the offering; did nice things for the sick, elderly, and poor; and read the Bible and prayed regularly. I'm thankful for that heritage, but one day (or, rather, over a process of days, weeks, months... maybe even years) I realized that I was just going through the motions. I did what I did because I was a good person and I wanted to do right by God so I could go to heaven. After all, who doesn't want to go to heaven? At the very least, it was better than the alternative!
I grew up in Sunday school. We learned that Joy was an orange and peace was an apple; love was a strawberry and gentleness was a banana. We learned that Noah built and ark and stuffed it full of cute little critters like giraffs and zebras in order to save them from a big flood. We learned about men with big muscles and weak senses; we learned about a man who ran away from God and got eaten by a whale. We learned about a man named Jesus who did really good things including dying so we don't have to go to hell--as long as we do what mommy and daddy says, because afterall that's what makes the old man upstairs happy. I was taught the same stories and lessons over and over from preschool to high school. As I got older I learned more of the nitty gritty details (all the scandalous stuff children can't hear--like adultry and murder), but never any meat. What did it all mean? What was the purpose of all those stories? Was there more to life; more to History; more to God?
Christianity was always a list of do's and don'ts. Pray, read some Scripture (or a devotional--it's easier!), give money to the church, do good things for people--oh, and mind those fruits of the spirit! Don't use bad language; don't hate, lie or steal... do, do, do, don't, don't, don't. Yet I always came back to I can't, I can't, I can't. Doing bad stuff was easy, doing good stuff was hard. Especially if you took 20 minutes of devotions instead of 10--it's like the more you learn, the harder it is to do it all. For example, did you know that if you hate a fellow human you're guilty of murder? I'm a murderer!
It all seemed like an endless list that got deeper the more you looked. I was scared. If I didn't know all this stuff, how was I going to be able to make God happy enough that I could go to heaven? Yet the more I learned, the more guilty I felt because I wasn't doing it right! I really didn't want to end up in torturous heat and misery and pain for eternity (in case you didn't know, that's a long time!). Why was I even born? It would be easier if I didn't have to go through all this!
I began searching for answers. I tried asking people--good-willed people who should know the answers. But nobody could answer the deepest questions. It seemed all they knew was these little clichés, half of which were derived from songs rather than scripture anyway. And there are certain questions you can't ask or you'll get told... well, basically nothing!
Then I discovered something. Well, a lot of somethings, really. Firstly, God says that when you seek Him with your whole heart you WILL find Him. Secondly, we come to God by faith, which comes by hearing the Word of God. These two facts became the springboard for my journey. I wanted to know God for real. I had no doubt He existed, because I had seen some pretty crazy things that could never be explained in the natural, and because I know I have felt Him. But I wanted to know His true heart, who He really was, and what He wanted from me. Thus it all began. And though my search has been going on for years, I'm really only beginning. God is so deep, wide, high, and just plain unfathomable--I think if I search every moment of my life, and should I live a million years, I would not even begin to ripple the surface of that vast ocean.
I want to be able to share some of the things I've learned here, and  hope that many will find this blog and be blessed. I certainly don't have all the answers, but I'm committed to searching out truth and deeper meaning. I believe it is time for the Church to wake up. Time to stop telling the same dozen stories over and over. It's time to graduate from the elementary doctrines into the fullness of God. It's time to dive into the depths and discover more. The time has come to illuminate our world with truth!